You Want Me to What?

Oh folks here is a tale of the most intriguing situation that I have experienced since the painted lady of the summer. You see if you are in retail you are going to Totally understand this situation and if not you are going to be shocked and amazed at the insanity that is running among you in society!
I must tell you it has been quite a surprise to me that in working retail you actually have individuals that will come into your store and wait for it try to sell stuff to you!
Oh you say that just doesn't happen! Well than you are totally missing the latest trending topic on Twitter! You see I have been asked to buy gold coins(not really gold just coins but the whiskey schlepping leprechaun swore they were gold), beaded hat bands made out of wait for it ORIGINAL Indian beads (not sure if these are true beads from Indians because they strangely resembled the ones from Wal-Crazy), paintings that were by an original artist even tho the artist was not the one selling the paintings (what is a non original artist?), or my new favorite the situation that walked in the store on Sunday.
So I was peacefully working at the desk and enjoying the productivity of the day when in enters a gal with more sequins than Cher in Vegas on EVERY piece of clothing!(picture Cher in bob mackie 1985 with not as much class) Innocent enough, I grabbed my sunglasses to help with the glare and welcomed her in (OK so no I didn't put my sunglasses on but I so could have!) But what was to follow her grand entrance is still mind boggling! Out of her over sized, over bedazzled purse she whips out a jacked up over dressed poodle! Wait it gets better "Do you like my little dogs outfit?" It is at this moment in my head I was like not so much crazy lady. I smile and say sweetly "Its original"
The whole time ladies and gents I was praying that there was a recovery ward in the hospital for the be dazzler that was used to make this little dog resemble a disco ball!
She than proceeds to put the sad little dog down, and you guessed it bust's out of her purse Dog Clothes!!! Oh ya folks she not only makes these little torture suits for her little dog but other's too! I ask you where is PETA when this kind of abuse is happening? Now it was at this moment while she was rattling on about the little bedazzled straight jackets for dogs that I thought "I must be getting punked! So of course I was looking all over for cameras and Ashton Kucher to jump out from behind the Vogt cabinent. Sad part of this, he never popped out!
So while faced with the moral dilemma of how to save the little disco ball who was avidly trying to escape his own little straight jacket from the Bee Gee era (no lie folks he was covered in red, gold, and wait bright blue rhinestones! on a gold lamay fabric oh the horror!) I say nicely "mam we are not in the pet business, but thank you". Now when faced with crazy you have got to use all of your Ninja skills and be ready for the pounce! You see apparently this was the worst thing that I could have ever said to her! She proceeds to give me a speech on how the dogs of Red Lodge need to be warm during this terrible weather and how there are all of these freezing dogs due to their lack of having her bedazzled torture suits! I swear to you this was a speech that I had to wonder if it was being dictated to her from PETA themselves! I again nicely say "Sorry we are just not in the pet business"
 To which she grabs the poor unlucky poodle  holds him up to me and says "You know you can't say no to his Lil face!" So it was at this moment that I being the meat eating, non-bedazzle wielding torture suit advocate for small animals stated like I would to my little dragon when he asks for something as ludicrous as this used my mean mommy voice (it can bring everyone back to earth). "Yes I can say no to him, and you as well because we are just not in the pet business."
It was at this comment and her understanding my no nonsense demeanor that she grabbed her 1970's clothing line of torture straight jackets shoved them and the little disco ball of a poodle in her purse and stomped out.
Here is the deal-i-oso, I am a pet lover hello I adore Twitch and all four of my children! But when you are willing to create fashion faux pauxs on little dogs that is wear I draw the line! I mean seriously! Why in the world would she A.) think we carry torture devices for dogs? B.) Think that our store is obsessed with bedazzle craziness? C.) That I was the type of girl who would aid in her demonic plan to turn animals into disco balls or worse Liberace!
I can not even tell you how hard I laughed at the time that it would have taken to wield that be dazzler the way this gal did! I mean I will totally give her props for going all sorts of Martha Stuart with her vision of torture straight jackets. Heck I will even give her props for having the patience to put these little torture devices together to match her own scary over rhinestoned ensembles! I mean ladies you have to give her major props for standing by her true adoration for Liberace the rhinestone king!
In short I must say it is chance encounters such as these that I am positive God has a sense of humor! And please say a little prayer for the little disco ball of a poodle that is being tortured daily by these bedazzled straight jackets!

Not the dog, but here is the general idea of the situation I was faced with!