Terrier's~Ferret's & Road Kill Purses!

It is often an unwritten code that the people who work in Retail must have a PHD in Crazy! You see working in retail can often bring you the unexpected, this is why I often wonder why we have a bell on the door due to the fact that when the door opens I jump anyway.

Miss Ryan and I have laughed our way through some of the most outrageous individuals that we have had walk through the door, but every once in awhile you will have just 1 person who will NEVER leave your memory of working retail. It is a scar if you will that has been left on your psyche that well just can't be fixed from the chance encounter.

Miss Ryan as you all know often brings Twitch to the store so that he can do inventory, steam the new clothes, give autographs,  and check the perimeter. This is common knowledge and even if you have yet to come to our little boutique you are even warned of Twitch's presence by a sign in our window stating we are protected by him.

So while doing his greeting job Twitch was met with a Boston Terrier who was sporting a cast. No big deal since Twitch never discriminates, and yet the Terrier's mommy had a different view of Twitch's greeting her cast wearing mite. She immediately gasped in horror at the audacity that Miss Ryan would have a dog in her own store! You would think the way she reacted Miss Ryan had just tried to hand feed her little gimp to a boa constructor!

After making her exit and some one on one affirmations to Twitch the situation was added to the "People are Crazy"case file #4565 of retail.

But to say that the Boston Terrier was a precursor to what was about to befall Miss Amber would be far from it!

Miss Amber is a happy chic, she takes everything in stride, loves her job, and I would say she is about as sociable as can be! One thing tho, she is not one for surprises especially of the rodent variety, I know, I know they are all God's Creature's it doesn't matter she still is not about them.

While sitting at the desk minding her own Lil business Miss Amber greeted a shopper that came through the door with a smile and simple conversation. (she is just that good) All was going just swimmingly too, the gal asked to place her purse on the desk by Miss Amber and of course she was graciously allowed to do just that.

Here is the deal tho, you know when you see the "Questionable Fur"? You know the type it may or may not be cat or rabbit, and it is often a patchwork or strip pattern? Well that is just what this purse was like, and of course Miss Amber being a bag person did try to differentiate what fur this was and came to the distinct possibility that it was of the "Road Kill" variety. Now before you judge understand it was a patchy pattern in a dull mix of mousy greys, and may or may not have resembled the soft fur of rabbit or cat road kill.

After looking at the magic fur bag, Miss Amber carried on with her computer work while answering the question on pricing, and the "Yes that looks fantabulous!" cause you know our girl is the sweetest and just likes to make peeps happy. Well while typing away something so Horrific, so Life Changing, so Evil happened to Miss Amber!

Out of the side of her eye in the blink of an eye a rodents head popped up out of the purse!!!!! YES A FERRET'S HEAD!!!! Well the poor girl had no choice but to scream like H@#*, and jump off of her stool, and against the wall! So as the stool fell to the side, Miss Amber screamed and tried to use her spidey sense to crawl up the wall FYI she doesn't have spidey sense!

All the while the EVIL FERRET  was not phased a bit and was proceeding on his mission to accost Miss Amber! But wait for it folks cause even the most seasoned retail sales people could not have predicted what was next! The woman rushed over to the desk and she grabbed her purse, which by that point the EVIL FERRET was scaling the handle while sporting his blue collar of death! She then proceeded to yell at poor terrified Miss Amber for being so loud and frightening "Bo Bo"! Yes you heard me correctly the EVIL FERRET had the name of a CLOWN!!!! As if that wasn't enough, the thing proceeded to climb the woman like a scratch post!

OK here is the deal-i-oso!! Why would you take a Ferret in a store???? And why would you not forewarn someone that at any moment the freakin thing could pull a "Pop Goes the Weasel" on their booty? HELLO??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? I mean there are certain store's, restaurants, heck even house's that Miss Amber will not take her children because she is not willing to impose on people. Why would anyone think it was super stellar cool to go shopping with a FERRET????

Now even though Miss Amber is beyond sweet, even she has a breaking point and that point was crossed 1/2 a second after the EVIL FERRET made his debut! So after trying to collect herself and fighting the urge to use the stool as a projectile at the EVIL FERRET and his Demonic Handler. She did the only thing she that you could after being scolded for screaming at her surprise attacker she asked her kindly in her most steady/serial killer voice to "Please retrieve your rat, and take him away! Seriously!" . To which the woman did in a huff while spewing something that sounded as another scolding.

It has been my experience that when you have not only frightened Miss Amber, but also angered her it was the best decision that the Demonic Handler did by leaving. There are the moments in one's life that you have to ask "Where do these people come from?" , then you have to ask your doctor for anxiety medication because you are poor nerves are shot!

After this incident the Sirens will exercise their right to ask that you Please Leave All Rat's, Ferret's, Goldfish, and Crazy People at HOME!!!!!




This is pretty much what "Bo Bo" EVIL FERRET LOOKED LIKE!



MISS AMBER after EVIL FERRET!!!!

Market to Market Part 2

Now I know you are thinking how could the adventures possibly continue? I mean come on what else could happen to the Siren's? Well that folks is your first mistake! Never ask "What Next?"

The first day was full of driving obstacles, cookies, and champs, all wrapped up with a perfect ensemble! Day two was what you could only describe as a day full of fun!

After a great night of rest the girls were dressed and ready for a great day. And of course there are no pictures of how great they looked because they were on a mission, but rest assured Miss Ryan stopped more traffic that day with her boot's alone than you can imagine! They were a custom boot and even Miss Amber thought that she was going to have to start looking for some sweet boots herself! From the gorgeous design, the great yellow tops with cowboy's, and well the nod to Pendleton was just like the cherry on top of the design! They truly are great boots, and the designer's are out of this world! Check them out at: http://www.falconhead.com/index_site.php

Tres Outlaws Boots!!!!

So armed with snacks, water bottles, and Miss Amber's undeniable ability to organize, and keep time the Siren's were off to a day packed full of appointments! They began the day in meeting with our great rep Tammy for Hat Co!!! This girl is one of our favorite's because no matter what she will always ask our opinions and she won't show us things that she knows we are just going to be against. It is really a efficient way to do a showing especially since we have to go through an entire year of clothes!

The trends are just great! We are looking at COLOR!!! Yes folks color is making a comeback! Its basically a really fabulous idea when you consider the pale pallets of the past year. We are going to be engulfed in great patterns, and girls sleeves are were it is at!!! The cuts are feminine and the fabrics are just luscious in texture, weight, and appeal. So get ready for looks that are flattering on everyone this next season!

After that we were off to see the great gal at PJ Salvage! Not sure about you but us Siren's love a great pair of PJ's!!! They are comfy and always in great prints, colors, and did I mention beyond soft!!! The styles were fun and guess what? We even got a stellar tank top!!!!

Now what do you do after you look at jammies? Well you go to the Stetson show room and get AMAZING food!!!! While we viewed a great line by Stetson they fed Miss Ryan and Miss Amber and yes it was totally needed cause these girls need food when they shop! Stetson has come out with some really gorgeous items and it is looking like jean skirts are coming back full force!!

To put it simply we shopped til we dropped! The fun new trends, colors, and lines of clothing and jewelry that we were able to see and shop with are going to really bring a great look for our shoppers this next year! Not to mention we had a blast meeting up with our reps!!!

After shopping, and shopping, and or did I mention shopping? The girls were on their way driving back to Montana! The Siren's came and conquered Denver WESA and we were ready to head home!

If you remember the driving adventure with Miss Amber and Miss Ryan at the beginning of this trip you are sure to understand the apprehension that they may have had when it came to driving back with snow falling. But never you fear Miss Ryan was at the wheel and ready to take it on! And she did, yes she drove with great expertise to be totally precise. (not as exciting as miss amber but you know it is what it is ;) )

The thing is if you remember the girls had dealt with a wee bit o'weather on the way so on their way back they had decided to check in back at the ranch in Big Horn, Wyo. Now for those of you have not visited it is a vast town that covers a HUGE area and is said to be Extremely hard to navigate! So it is no wonder that the location of main street would be super hard for Miss Amber to find!

I mean as we all know she has only been there once and it was everyly so confusing when you look at how many roads she had to navigate in order to get there! But being the champ that she is Miss Amber made it there with the trusty navigation of Ryan to help her get there.

It was a great place to stop since the girls had road brain, and we all know they needed to get a little break from driving! What better way to freshen up than to see friends and have a refreshment? And were else would we go for both, but "The Big Horn Smokehouse and Saloon" ! Though finding it was sketchy the Siren's were relieved that they did! Miss Amber even got to meet a great up and coming star Teka Brock!!! Mark my words this girl is blazing a path of a Siren! Follow her on Facebook at : https://www.facebook.com/#!/teka.brock?fref=ts

After doing some catch up and relaxing it was time to get on the road again! And the best way to travel is with copious amounts of sugar/caffeine!!!!! Now remember the whole "I am trying not to have sugar" proclamation by Miss Ryan?

 Ah yes... so did Miss Amber, and with the sign of the Maverick  lit up like the Fourth of July Miss Amber decided to aid in this dietary abomination! With the aisles of brightly lit candies, chips, and chocolate's it was all she could do to restrict herself from not doing a stage dive into the candy bar display, let alone hold herself back from doing a swan dive into the chip aisle! You see Miss Amber is a full on supporter of all good things, and really she was being quite the martor by trying to save Miss Ryan from not having sugar! I mean the utter thought of this was more frightening then a world without chap stick!

So Miss Amber got right to work! She decided she would cover all of the major bases, chocolate, chips, and baked goods, after all as you all know by now the girl is a go getter and often has a tendency to maybe go a little over the top.(wink,wink)  She grabbed peanut butter, and peanut M&M's they have peanut's in them both which are uber good for you! Then she reached for the chili cheese Frito's, I mean these are just a perfect combo of salt and crunch to make anybody smile! But what happened next was well best described as the holy grail of food...

The Maple Bacon Doughnut!!!!!! OK,  it's OK to stand, and scream in total excitement, and heck let a tear or two drop from your eyes, this discovery is and was beyond Miss Amber's wildest dreams and as you can imagine she being her crazy lil self did just that! (the poor checker was probably reaching for the emergency button watching her impromptu happy dance)




Maple Bacon Wonderful!!!

You see what better way to defile a terrible ban on sugar than a creation as wonderful as this?? I mean come on people it has BACON!!!!! Its like the bacon gives you an automatic "Get out of Jail Card" !! You are eating sugar? starch? and white flour? It's OK its covered in BACON!!!!!

Now whether you are believing the Miss Amber mentality on this beyond phenomenal pastry item or not you must admit the creation alone is pretty ingenious! So that is exactly how she sold the idea of eating this fabulous blend of bacon and maple to Miss Ryan. And being that the girl is good at her job she had Miss Ryan eating the most amazing flavor combo EVER within just a hop skip and a jump down the road! And did she like it you ask? Well Heck YES!!! She is and American after all!

The remaining road trip consisted of both the girls on a sugar high, which could be compared to that of a scene out of a 5 year olds birthday party! Miss Ryan tried to expand Miss Amber's array of music taste, and Miss Amber just tried to forge through the Pandora's box of french/Spanish/Indian/country/alternative/swing music as best she could! If you think the 80's era was rough you have not a clue til you have tried navigating through Miss Ryan's IPod!  That being said the trip ended with out any real hiccups and both girl's made it home safe and sound.

One problem was well the horrendous hang over that poor Miss Ryan suffered from! You see she may or may not have needed a few more shot's of sugar before the carnival ride of sugar that Miss Amber put her on. It was rumored that Miss Ryan had never suffered like that before. For that Miss Amber felt bad, but informed Miss Ryan she needs to start conditioning herself in order to run with the Big Girls!

All in all the Siren's made some new memories, and had a great adventure!!

Twitch and Me: To Market to Market Part 1

Twitch and Me: To Market to Market Part 1: It is that time of year again when Miss Ryan and Miss Amber go to the WESA!!!!! Oh the joy that ensues is beyond your imagination and to pr...

To Market to Market Part 1

It is that time of year again when Miss Ryan and Miss Amber go to the WESA!!!!! Oh the joy that ensues is beyond your imagination and to prove this we made sure to take you along with us! Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous." So don't be alarmed. As soon as your outer vestments are at hand, we'll begin."(props to Willy Wonka for final quote)

You see the adventure always begins with a road trip!!!!! This is a road trip not for the faint of heart! Oh as you can imagine it often includes copious amounts of fun, glitter, lip gloss, and sweet outfits!!! And folks this doesn't even come close to the onslaught of events that came our way!

So here is the diatribe of events that came from two girls, one car, and a 1224 mile road trip....

Often there are those moments that I am sure Miss Ryan look's at the road trip and may or may not think that traveling with Miss Amber ( who has the travel experience of a gold fish) well let's be honest feels a wee bit overwhelmed with the prospect of driving with her. But with her true blue cowgirl ways, and determination she is going to expand Miss Amber's education to Driving Interstate's and Highway's! Some may call her crazy, Miss Amber call's her Miss Ryan ;)

Lesson's learned on the road are often the best lesson's you learn in life. While on our jaunt to  Château L' Shane (it's in Big Horn with an extremely vast and extensive main street!) Miss Amber learned that this trip would include an extensive course on how to navigate Mother Nature! You see when the girl's left Red Lodge, Mt there was a heck of a storm blowing in and they were heading through it.

Now Château L' Shane is a great place! You see the girl's are always fed well, the conversation is beyond expectations, and did I mention there are puppies????!!!!!! So this is often the best way to start up the road trip:)

This year was no different! The girl's were surprised by the sweet admission from their host that the dinner would be out rather than in due to the fact that it had been a heck of a day and instead they would be wined and dined at the "The Big Horn Smokehouse and Saloon", it is located down town in the center of a thriving metropolis of Big Horn, WY.(yes this is shameless promotion but Doug and Miss Amber are two pea's in a pod when it come's to selling!) This is a great place! The food was beyond yummy, and the company and atmosphere was top notch! Miss Ryan introduced Miss Amber to Doug the owner and let's just say once you get these two together it is like the combination of a triple shot of espresso with a sprinkle of glitter! They are hysterical, and it is frightening to think that there is a person who can match Miss Amber in wit, charisma, and enthusiasm!

After the sweet dinner and drinks with new and old friends the girls retired to their little Château L'Shane and it was time to bond with Lucy!!! Now Lucy may or may not have a rumored past of being a bit of a pill, maybe a bit of a biter even but we all know that Miss Amber seems to charm even the most hard to please. So it really wasn't all that much of a surprise when Miss Amber and Miss Lucy became instant Besties!

Who is that sitting on Miss Amber's lap? Miss Lucy!!

Us girl's doing our best duck face's! I mean we are online after all its a requirement!



 

 

 

As you can see it is really not all that hard to see why this trip was bound to be full of fun and excitement!

 

So the next morning began bright and early with a fun surprise outside! Yup you guessed it SNOW!!! Well there is nothing better that getting drive to Denver in the snow, right? Ah the question that most likely should never be asked to the universe pre-road trip/snow storm. Because it will often end up in other question like "Why the ficus are we driving in the middle of a  ground blizzard, and being attacked from left and right by Semi's?"

 

Here is the deal-io-so, Miss Amber is well at best a "driver". Not able to categorized as a good driver, or a bad driver;  just well if it's going to happen to someone in a car it will be her. You need a reference? Here you go, for example have you ever been attacked by a deer who simply just wanted to charge your rear view mirror and show you who was the boss? And then have that same deer try to race you? Well Miss Amber has had this happen.

 

Have you ever parked your car and went to work only to have a customer buying a dress get told her car was on fire, and when you ran out with the said customer you discovered that her car was parked behind your car, and then got to watch the car lit like a roman candle jump into the back of your car? Oh no you say? Well Miss Amber has (she has pic's to prove it). So this is what may or may not have a bit to do with her not so super excited Highway/Interstate Navigation.

 

Now there has been much debate to the music that would be playing in the background of this part of the trip. Miss Ryan has stated that the song http://youtu.be/lydBPm2KRaU . Miss Amber thought that this part of the trip was more of this song http://youtu.be/bwDpAfFzcRQ Its a stark difference isn't it now?

 

Bless Miss Amber's heart, we really can't be sure who was more stressed out. It was a toss up that is for sure! If you count the tight grip that Miss Amber had on the steering wheel, and her racing heart both pretty severe she may have won. Or if you factor in the fact that Miss Ryan had to sit next to the goldfish who was blowing down the highway during a ground blizzard, well she may win. Either way this was a bit of a stressful time. And in good form the girls handled it with humor!

 

They were a little late getting to Denver and thank goodness for Miss Suzie at Double D who was so sweet to parley their apologies for being tardy for the meeting with Double D! This folks is were it gets good! You need to understand that market to Miss Amber is like a Mardi Gras of Fashion and well though Miss Ryan love's the people shopping is not her most favorite thing to do. So you have the yin and the yang of shopping walking in the door's of the distributor's and it is entertaining to say the least!

 

The first appointment on Friday was with the Spectacular Double D, and it was the most divine experience! The rep's are always so sweet, and as discussed earlier the girl's had very little nerve's left, and were ready to relax and watch the show which was exactly what they got to do! I am not sure if you have ever met a better group of people who are so willing to help but these great folks went above and beyond!

 

 

When you visit the showroom of Double D you enter a utopia with fashion, food, and cookies!! They are all about hospitality there and they love to spoil the Siren's!

 

 

 

 

 



The fashion that we were able to see was just spectacular! It was fresh, new, and the color palette was an array of bright jewel tones, mixed with that tried and true mark of Double D! Amazing attention to details, old trends that have been matched with the new elements that they are adding, having pushed the envelop of Western Fashion to all new heights! Girl's be ready! This next year is going to be Bright, Bold, and beyond your imagination! http://www.ddranchwear.com/ Check them out on Facebook, and remember you can always get all your favorite pieces of Double D from us at www.sagebrushsirens.com

After being able to settle their nerves enjoy pizza, cookies, and water the Siren's were ready to roll to their next appointment! Where were they off to? Oh just the Tasha Polizzi showroom!!

This was just the place to go after a great opening to WESA! And Tasha did not disappoint! There were the classic pieces that we have all fallen in love with the great Luxe Vest's, Blanket Coats, and so so much more!

The color's were bold, and brilliant ! There were those pieces that made even Miss Ryan Ohhhh and Ahhhh! The blanket pattern's that Tasha is so renowned for was in a fabulous shade of turquoise that could stop traffic! Did I mention they also served champ's? Yes they did! And Tasha herself couldn't have been any more charming! She floated through her showroom with grace and elegance, and she truly surrounded herself with amazing people because we loved the canter of our showing!

After this great showing we checked into our hotel:) Yes you see these girls were so so spent! But we couldn't just go to bed! We had to first go for a dip in the hot tub! And did I mention these girls had the for thought to bring their suits, but alas some how overlooked the need for foot attire to go to the hot tub. So what did the Siren's do??? They Rocked their boot's with their suit's of course!

Yes this right here just show's why these girl's are soooooo qualified to dress you in all the latest trends!

to be continued ;)


 

Miss Amber Challenge

Well it has come to the attention of Miss Amber that there are some of you who would love to see the Miss-Adventures of Miss Amber!

So here is what we want you to do! Submit by comment what you would love to see Miss Amber do and we here at Sagebrush Sirens will pick one of your suggestions out of a hat and make it happen!

Whether you want to see Miss Amber ride a horse, bale hay, or any of those other crazy things you Cowgirls do we want to hear about it! Let's see what we can get our girl doing!

 

Chicks N Chaps

Well as you all know Miss Amber love's a good time, and when given the opprotunity to go with a friend to Chicks N Chaps in Billings well she jumped at it. I mean what could be better than, good friends, good food, and Pink Swag? I mean come on folks its all for a great cause!

So being her crazy peppy self she took on this fun and ran with it! From the moment she arrived the Chicks N' Chaps gal's were amazing! From the sweet tee's they handed out to the amazing pink swag bags it was beyond fun!

The food was amazing! And did I mention there were cowboys serving drinks? I mean Hello it couldn't get any better than that! The fact is this is a great cause and with such a fun way to enhance not only Cancer Awareness but also to include a Rodeo Clinic! And as y'all know Miss Amber need's all the cowgirl education that she can get!(and Miss Ryan need's all the help she can get ;)

So with a open mind and sensible shoes (she sported metallic gold gladiator sandals) Miss Amber was ready for the day's challenges! The day went like a country song! I swear from the learning how to ride a bull, rope a steer, and how to handle Rodeo stock this was really a great learning experience.

The day was beyond wonderful and to be quite honest I have heard rumor's that Miss Amber is looking for some more fun challenges to extend her cowgirl education so stay tuned!

 

Learning how to hold on while on a bull.

Yes her form was FANTABULOUS! Truly a natural!

Rolling around in a barrel. Not too sure what this had to do with Rodeo, but she owned it and rocked it out!

Lorissa is such a great girl, and she is the gal who made this great event happen!

Miss Amber and the gang! Yes you probably recognize these boys!

Pink Solo Cups!!!!! Shut the front door!

The great guy's who kept us girls hydrated during the Rodeo Clinic!

 

 

Miss Amber wants to weld? What?

Oh were does one begin on a tale such as this. First the deal with Miss Amber is she is renowned for being well manual labor/tool using inept and well to be quite honest there in lies the charm of this gal. You see it is no secret that the girls first run in with tools was when Miss Ryan asked her to hammer something over a year ago and well we all know that was well just the beginning of her Cowgirl Education. Since then she has learned how to use the screw driver both the Philips and the Standard and well if I have jacked those up or if they are the same type I apologize. (star one and flat one) As we discussed time and time again Miss Amber could take you through a Black Friday crowd of shoppers with the stealth of a secret service agent on a mission, but you ask the girl to build, assemble, or hang something and well there is a look of confusion, puzzlement, and utter shock. To say the least its simply just not the way she rolls.

This being said you can imagine the utter shock and horror that Miss Ryan had when Miss Amber up and texts that she is going to weld. Oh ya you read that right it is not a typo, the girl said she was going to weld! Straight up the reaction was "Saints preserve us!" Miss Ryan was understandably in shock and I doubt that getting the text stating "Just got told I can not wear a ruffle jacket or jewelry! Seriously?" from Miss Amber did not put Miss Ryan at ease! For you see silly Miss Ryan even made the mistake of recommending that Miss Amber not wear Carharts! Oh if that wasn't hysterical I truly don't know what is! I mean Miss Amber doesn't own Carharts bahahahaha.

Why was Miss Amber wanting to weld? Ah you see there has been much speculation about this. First thought was that she was on a Triple Shot high and had finally gone mad, then there was the concern that she was just excited because she saw sparkles and thought of fireworks and well you know she does like shiny things. But the fact of the matter is this, Miss Amber's fiance is building a custom chopper and well she has had the privilege of watching the metal cutting, welding situation that has been going down in the garage, and well ya its way sparkly!

You can only imagine the patience that Joe must have to not only be willing to teach Miss Amber to weld, but the pure frightening fact that she was using a scorching hot welder is enough to make any man shutter in fear! Not to mention as stated earlier the darling girl wanted to sport a ruffle jacket and rings, and necklaces about it. The poor man had to have been thinking "What in the world have I begun?" But like a champ he simply with no raise of the voice, or even under the breath "What the Haiti is she trying to do?" he simply just looked at Miss Amber and said "No you can not wear that get a shirt on and no jewelry". To which in true Miss Amber form gasped in horror, and was shocked about the whole deal but complied by wearing a hot pink shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes which for the record she didn't even try to wear heels to weld! (we were so proud;)

Miss Amber in welding gear!

The Girl is Welding!

Here is the scariest part of the whole scenario! She LOVED IT! No lie the girl was a welding fool, and even Joe had to give her props for the effort, and her skill (which skill is used very loosely here but the fact that she didn't start on fire, burn herself, or Joe is speaking volumes for the whole scenario!) Now to say the least the girl surprised all of us and in a good way! She loved doing it, and it really goes to show that even though she may not be a cowgirl she is definitely always willing to try something new even if it is in hot pink ;)

You both want to wear matching jeans?

There are things that occur in the life and times of working retail that well quite frankly often have me puzzled, and yes at times even speechless! So you can only imagine my response to the latest request from a couple that entered the store.

Do you have 2 pairs of these jeans? One in a size 8 and one in a 12?  Here is why I was puzzled it was the man asking, and at the time I thought he was asking for his wife and was wondering why he thought she was a 8 and a 12. But oh ladies you are going to die when I tell you this! I go find the jeans, both sizes and then proceed to hand them over. He hands the 8 to his wife and then he and his wife go to the back to try on the jeans!

Now I think that I am a pretty open minded person, but the idea of my guy sporting the same jeans as I am is well to be honest  a bit creepy! While watching this situation I was biting my lip so hard to keep from laughing that it is still swollen! You see the fact that he was all out of sorts because "My thighs are too wide" for the jeans dang near sent me into the hospital for stitches for my lip! At what point did this man decided that he was meant to sport woman's jeans, and match his wife?

I mean the conversation had to have been epic. "Honey will you wear the same jeans I do? " "Oh hell to the ya I will!" Go grab your purse girl and lets start coordinating all of our outfits and accessories! At that point they both skip to the store for a coordinated shopping trip of nirvana.

I don't know about y'all but the last thing I want is competition when I get dressed up, and dressing alike is best when done in Disneyland with a herd of small children! So I leave you with this vision: A man and woman in matching blinged out pocketed jeans, matching shirts, watches, rings, and sunglasses. Now run for your closet and make sure this never happens to you!

Why Are You Vacuuming the Dog!

As you all know we often keep the Lil Twitch for Miss Ryan while she is away and there are times when really one must wonder if this is a secret plot to see what Miss Amber can handle!

Now I am a very fun loving mommy, I try to parent with an even hand and often pride myself on finding humor in all of the little bumps along the road of parenting/childhood. This is often tested tho when you pair the Lil minions with Twitch. You see I truly believe that if it is on their Top 10 Thing To Try List they will often try them out with the aid of Twitch.(secretly I believe he is the distraction for their ploy's)

So you can imagine my excitement when while cooking dinner for the Lil tribe, and trying to well just do the high spots cleaning, while listening to Rori singing, and making sure Lil Dragon was able to get his Icy Pop open to hear the vacuum! Oh the vacuum, this is my most favorite chore of all household duties, and well as you might of guessed I am often the only one to wield this Lil machine. So when I heard the vacuum I was instantly relieved, to think that my oldest was vacuuming the basement! Here is were I really must have been delusional! First off I should have realized when Rori came in and decided to belt out her favorite tune from the Island Barbie Princess that I was in fact being baited!

It was about the time that I came to my senses when Lil Aubry hops up the stairs in a grand execution of skill and purpose and proclaimed " ShelbyLee is vacuuming Twitch, and he looks soooooo Fancy!" That I dang near took out the Lil Dragon Icy Pop and all to make my way to the stairs. I am sure of one thing, there was a hip check to Lil Dragon, a block with the arm to the singing Roo, and a full body check to the Aubry blocking my way. I know I hold nothing back when it comes to rescuing small animals. Especially since that small animal in question was the BOSS'S DOG!

I swear to you that what awaited me took my breath away. There in the second stairwell sits Twitch with my oldest using the brush attachment vacuuming him! Now how in the free world she thought that the vacuuming of a dog was a good idea is beyond me, but never you fear her steadfast logic prevailed. Here is how this convo went:

Me: What in the free world are you doing?

SL&T: Vacuuming Twitch. Twitch looks at me with utter annoyance

Me: On what planet would you think that it is a good idea to vacuum Twitch? (Me unplugging impending danger)

SL & T: Seriously Mom? He is shedding. Hence the vacuum, now can you plug it in?

Me: Um Hello you could hurt him!

SL &T: Ya um, as you can tell he is in immeasurable pain! Not! Mom he is fine, he even likes it. (Pulls Twitch to her while he glares at me like I took his bone)

Me: Fine, but I swear if you suck up an eye don't you dare come crying to me. And if you do suck up and eye you better like to sew because we are going to have to open up a sweat shop because mommy will be unemployed!

SL & T: You got a deal , now plug us in we are trying to finish this before we go for our scooter ride.

Folks there are those days in my life that really I see first hand that God really gets a kick out of seeing how I will handle the boomerang's he puts in my life! I tell you I know for a fact he was having a great laugh at the whole scenario!

Praise be to God Twitch came out of the vacuuming unscathed and honestly looking way good. My daughter has another notch in her belt of See Mom, and I donated money to another bottle of Riesling to calm my nerves. I mean can you imagine telling your boss " Hey, how was your trip? Ya so Twitch has a eye patch, but never you fear I bedazzled the heck out of it and now it gives him a real tough dog edge don't you think?"

Gee Mom I am just vacuuming the dog!

Quad Shot Adventures at Work!

Oh ladies and gents there is a bit of a shocker that has happen in the world of coffee, the big gulp straw! Oh yes, you know how you will hear about those urban tales of pop rock explosions, mentos coke bottle bombs, or the Icey headaches that never end? Well this little urban tale is TRUE!

Is this legal???

I know I will let you take a moment to just take it all in! I am so flippen excited! You see it happen to me today when I went to grab a quick coffee pick me up before work. You see I love me a triple to quad shot in the morning and this was just your ordinary day until the gal hands me over the most amazing creation ever!!!! Not only is it my massive 24 ounce , quad shot , but it has the bestest accessory item in the world the BIG GULP STRAW!!! Oh you have not a clue at the sheer excitement or the possibilities  at the options that this would be giving a girl like me. Of course it did give me a HUGE laugh at the idea of the legality of this situation. I mean is it really a good idea to give miss amber a quad shot equipped with a straw of this magnitude?

Well after getting over the initial shock that there is the option of getting a big gulp straw with ones coffee, and also the worry that I may have to pace myself with this little gem of fantabulousness! So after posting my excitement on Face book, and sending a picture to Miss Ryan of the gift of greatness. I then realized that there could be something to this. Also after sharing this awesome news with my UPS gal, who by the way was just as enamored with the big gulp accessory as I was, I came to the conclusion that there is going to be a real trend starting here.

No tough days here!

Think about it. Going to have a bit of a tough day ahead? Heck go get you a coffee with a Big Gulp straw! You can totally forgo the use of an IV if you have a Big Gulp straw! I mean folks between blogging, ordering, pricing, and steaming new merchandise the store is a hopping and well its only going to get better! I mean any time you need a Lil somethin somethin to move your booty at work grab you one of these little dandy's and you are sure to be more productive than a sweatshop with a deadline!

Enjoy Your's Today!

So there is my little gift to you for the day, if you are feeling a little sluggish you just go get you a coffee with a big gulp straw and all will be right in the land of la.

Attack of Receipt Machine

First I must warn you if you have or have had any heart issues please read with caution due to the sheer unbridled , unwarranted, full on attack via the Receipt Machine!

So here is how my Lil day has started. I was happily enjoying an amazing convo with one of my favorite gals here in town Kathy Robson and all was right in the land of La. Then when I went to ring up her sweet new belt etc. the Receipt Machine refused to print. So after fighting with it checking all the normal things, power, paper, horoscope, weather, you know the works it still wouldn't work! Kathy being the gem of a gal that she is didn't mind and so when she left I decided I was going to have a little discussion with the Receipt Machine.

Now it may amaze you but I do speak not only Double D, Rocki Gorman, Boulet, but printer/fax/phone as well! I know you are all soooooo impressed with my language skills you can stop clapping, oh you are all to kind, but really stop clapping its getting awkward.

It was during our discussion that the Receipt Machine all up and decides to go Loco! Seriously starts printing off a cryptic code and by will not stop folks it went through the rest of the paper! Oh and as if that wasn't enough it up and went even more crazy and when I refilled it the crazy thing went right back to the Tales from the Crypt code printing again! I mean what the ficus?

So as you can imagine I instantly thought oh great now not only do I get attacked by cross's , ladders, and crazy cowhides, but Receipt Machines have it out for me as well! And I don't know about you but I am starting to get a little paranoid! I mean not to be all sorts of superstitious about it but, one does start to get a bit of a complex when inanimate objects are going out of their way to get you!

I mean what would you think? Not to mention I swear the rodeo poster all framed and hanging up behind me is well a wee bit intimidating, and one must wonder if the flowers on the Vogt case are going to just jump and get me during a dusting session! The possibilities are quite endless on the dangers in this little store! Not to mention add the fact that a bank robbery went all sorts of wrong in this building and one can only imagine that the culprits could very well want to go all sorts of poltergeist on me! Oh and after this sweet I am going to go all sorts of crazy on you, the dang machine again decided that it would not listen and print what I want but oh it will go head on into printing all that cryptic code, which I honestly believe is not saying I am everly so pretty!

If you are thinking that you haven't seen any post's on Facebook from Miss Amber for hours please come to the store just to make sure that I am alive and not being pinned down by one of the dangerous items that surround me!

Ya won't print a receipt heck no but I will print cryptic I am not your besti code!

See really like I speak evil!

It looks benign as all get out , but evil lurks inside!

It wouldn't stop printing!

Not even a little bit amused or impressed!

Buy this it is in a frame and I am frightened of it jumping down on me! Its yours for $50.00!

Special Moments and Memmories

You see after having Miss Ryan over for "A great you are back dinner" and her getting to survive a dinner with the wee ones, and having a great catch-up chat while Lil Dragon was a zombie, and died on the floor in front of us due to not wanting to eat all of his spaghetti before he got strawberries. Not to mention the on going commentary from ShelbyLee, Rori and Aubry it was quite funny to see that there are just well special moments that you only want to share with those that matter.

Any of you that has met Miss Ryan and Miss Amber know that these girls are well close, and also that they truly hold those that are in their lives close to their hearts. It is from little moments such as a good laugh over a crazy week spent with Twitch and the Kiddo's or a good catch up chat over wine with strawberries you are going to really see how down to earth these girls are.

It would surprise you all to learn that Miss Ryan is well one of the Emergency contacts for many of her friends with little one's, and she is also one of the first to be called if Miss Amber needs someone! She loves to cook, and can bake cookies that Miss Amber has been know to scarf down like a escapee from Fat Camp! She is also GREAT with little ones! Miss Amber's son has proclaimed that he will marry her on more than one occasion, and the girls just love the fact that they get Twitch as well as goodies from Miss Ryan often.

It would also surprise you to learn that tho Miss Amber speaks of her little one's often she is well a very private person when it comes to her babies, her home and only her dear friends are invited in to share her family. This is a shock to many who will often state Miss Amber is so fun and social, she is fun and social she just is also very protective of those she holds near and dear to her.

After the dinner with Miss Ryan, Miss Amber had to laugh at the fact that she well as always went into mommy mode and before she knew it she had served up Miss Ryan right along with the little ones! With out even thinking twice! You see Miss Amber is possessed by Martha Stewart in the kitchen and will often find herself just taking care of anyone that happens to be in the kitchen with her! Its just well how she rocks it, and thank goodness Miss Ryan just fell right in step with the program because bless her she didn't even think twice about the fact that she was handed her salad, dinner, and drink with silverware and napkin other than to bow her head when Miss Aubry lead the prayer for dinner.

It is moments like these that both girls are well proud of. They are genuine loving, caring, christian and family first kind of girls and you are able to see this both in their lives in and out of the store. So come and visit these two and get a chance to enjoy the difference in a store that is run and operated with down home values!

Cupcake's dang good and uber pretty too!

Why Of Course I will watch Twitch for you!

Okip here is the first thing you must do before sitting and reading, get your coffee, tea, a paper towel or napkin, and your phone to order Miss Amber a day at the Spa for when you are done reading.(thank you)

So as many of you are aware Miss Amber and Twitch are besties, and Miss Amber's lil munchi - chi's are all sorts of about Miss Ryan. So when given the chance to take care of Twitch while Miss Ryan vacationed to Oklahoma Miss Amber practically begged or well to be honest demanded Twitch stay with her.

This was all fine and dandy, and in the land of La this could have very well went as smooth as Fashion Week in New York minus the angry hungry models (hehehe I so crack myself up). Any hoo, Miss Amber was so convinced that the stay would be full of trips for lattes, and walks in the evening, followed by well a choir of angels  singing at bed time. Ya we know we don't know what Miss Amber was drinking but it must have been dang good for her to think for one single second that four children + Twitch would equal anything but Crazy!!

For those of you who have been lucky enough to meet the little darlings that Miss Amber has you are all at this point wiping up the beverage that just sprayed from your mouth and nose's when reading about the scenario that Miss Amber thought was going to happen. Its all good she TOTALLY backs y'all y'all up.

Now for those of you who have only heard little snippets here and there about the four little mites here is the run down description of them : ShelbyLee 13 who acts like she is 35 (has mind of evil scientist), Aubry 9 loving, bedazzling, and mischievous (often root cause of all evil plans), Rori 7 who loves singing and acting (often accompanies her actions with song), Aiden aka Lil Dragon perfect in all ways due to his brown eyes(Miss Ryan will back this up).

It was a great day in the neighborhood the evening that Twitch arrived. Miss Amber was playing domino's with Lil Dragon, the kids were all super excited for the furry visitor and I mean really what could go wrong? Ah Miss Amber bless her lil heart, if she could have only known what was to be her future!

Night one went with no bumps, and other than ShelbyLee and Lil Dragon fighting over who Twitch was to sleep with all was fantabulous. (poor naive girl) Miss Amber and Twitch got their Triple Shot and puppy treat and headed to the store. She took him home at lunch so he and his best friend Lil Dragon could chill, and actually went back to work all sorts of content and peaceful (silly silly girl)

Then it started. You see when Miss Amber is away the little ones will play and truth be told the little darlings are never going to be able to get away with a crime due to the fact that they like to not only document their liaisons with photos but also with song as well! Oh ya you see these are not your average children, not only do they have the capability of creating the most detailed plans of attack, but they are like a well oiled machine when it comes to following through with the plan.

So while Miss Amber was working at the store she started to receive a plethora of photos with captions! Oh ya that's right why just send a pic when you can narrate it with a caption? The first photo was of Twitch happily dressed in a lime green polo shirt, in the loving arms of Miss Rori, caption Doesn't he look hansom?

K so I get what you are thinking oh how cute, what sweet little darling children. Truth be told if that was the only photo Miss Amber would have thought the same. The next photo is of the darling Twitch sittin in his sweet polo like he wears clothes all the time! caption "Oh ya, that's just how he rolls" gotta love the ghetto commentary from miss ShelbyLee.

By the end of the work day though Miss Amber thought seriously about just hiding in the store for the evening she went home. What was awaiting her was a scene like nothing she had seen before! Through the door she walks and there she finds the house quiet! That's right the evil creature's  were nowhere to be seen and in all reality in any other family this would be right as rain but, in Miss Amber's years of experience this was a stage 4 on the Terrorist scale for emergency!

She ran through the house and found nothing! Then she noticed that the shoes of the lil mites they were a missing! She then went out on the deck and what do you think she found? That's right Lil Dragon and the 3 Musketeers were all running back and forth while wait for it, pushing Twitch in the Tonka truck! I mean why not schlep the dog back and forth and run like you are in a relay race in the Olympics? I mean heck whip lash Not an Issue, and who care's if we don't have our coats on (mind you the dog is dressed!) . After gathering up her best mean mommy voice and biting her lip so she wouldn't laugh out loud at the craziest relay race she has ever seen Miss Amber stated  " get the dog out of the dump truck, and get your little booty's in the house you are all going to catch a cold!"  Most children well they would listen...Miss Amber's chillens on the other hand well they way the odds, and all look to Miss Aubry to see what her take is on the tone in mommy's voice (she is often in trouble and so she knows when to listen and when to not) . And due to the fact that Miss Aubry didn't even stop pushing the Tonka truck or stop telling Rori to and I quote "Hurry Run Him to ShelbyLee, before she gets down the stairs!" You can just imagine the dismay, and well the need for a glass of wine Miss Amber felt at that moment.

Now folks here is the deal-i-oso , this i just one of over a thousand incidents that Miss Amber went through during the Twitch stay. In all honesty when she heard Osama was captured and killed she checked to see that all the children and the dog were to be accounted for.(they may be evil, but they are true Americans) So keep reading our blog and enjoy the next few months on the Twitchets page.

Just a normal day with Twitch

As you all are aware Twitch is well pretty flippen sweet, and quite frankly a true fixture in our store and lives. He gets asked for more than me or Miss Ryan, and pretty much thinks he runs the show. It is pretty bad when I am so excited to go to work and instead of "Oh Yay your here!" Its so where is Twitch?, or my favorite is the well we just came to see Twitch!

So due to his extreme popularity I have done what was needed and sat with our furry Lil friend and got the low down on the day in the life of Twitch. (your welcome)

MA: So how does your day normally start?

T: Well often I need to prep myself for a busy day, and since I have been blessed with natural good looks I don't have to do really anything. (must be nice!)

MA: Now when you are with me and the kiddos we normally get the kids, breakfast , and a talk to the President out of the way before 8. How does this go with Miss Ryan?

T: Well she is always doing something and I am constantly trying to brainstorm on new products, and displays for the store, not to mention we are always on the go so I do alot my thinking in the car and at the ranch.

MA: I see. So when it comes to the ranch how do you  do all you do?

T: Well beings how I am kind of a BIG DEAL at the ranch there is just no end of things that need to be done! From trying to train my cat, to debriefing the new colts, and even having to show the steers how to play the game of life! I am basically moving the entire time, and you know I am a perfectionist!

MA: You mentioned you have a cat? How does a dog obtain a pet cat? Is that even legal?

T: Oh yes, it is definitely legal. (pauses and yawns.) I basically just got him because no one else wanted him. He has been a bit tough to train but I find he makes a good effort, and I very seldom have any problems with him.

MA: As you know you have become quite famous here in the store , has fame gone to your head? How do you remain so grounded?

T: Oh you know me I like the simpler things in life, a good chew toy, lots of running space, and extravagant trips to coffee with Miss Amber, and car trips with Miss Ryan.

MA: Well Twitch it has been a pleasure!

Now Twitch after the interview not only did a photo shoot in the store with Miss Amber, but he then was off and running with Miss Ryan to the ranch. To say he is a multi talented for a canine is well just the tip of the iceberg when you get to know this cow dog.

Always a multi tasker Twitch during the interview checking the street traffic.

Twitch and his good friend Charlie

He not only is good at retrieving but also picking out boots!

Hello God It's Me Miss Amber

So here is the thing I pride myself on being a pretty sweet gal, nice, respectful, and genuine. Now saying this I must bring to you blog readers a rough lil situation in which either God is trying to tell me something, or Miss Ryan needs to hang things on the wall a little better.
You see here I was just minding my own lil business, filing the Boulet file (which means trying to match this with that) and enjoying the great song by Zac Brown and Alan Jackson "She's Walking Away"(feel free to send tickets for Miss Ryan and Miss Amber ;)

exhibit A : cross jumps!

What in the Ficus just happened?

And all of a sudden I am attacked by the cross hanging on the wall by the Boulet Boot Display! I kid you not, the cross jumped off the wall and landed on Ferdinand! Right by my desk I might add! What in the holy manolo blahniks is a girl to think! I mean come on people though I may be a little much for some (I am a lot like Chinese food either you love me, or you like fries, for those who like fries I kindly offer packs of ketchup) So for the unwarranted assault on Ferdinand and my nerves I was really wondering what in the world this was suppose to mean?

wall where it was hanging.(very suspicious I agree)

I mean really how many of you have been accosted by a cross? What? What did you say ? None of you? See what I mean this is either the work of our God from above, or Miss Ryan is not hanging things on the wall with sturdy enough nails. Now due to the fact that I have been in the Cowgirl School of Miss Ryan I really must say normally when that girl hangs something it doesn't budge!
I worked an entire year with 3 crosses hanging on the wall behind me and not once was I attacked! So you can imagine the shock when this cross just up and relocated itself! And you know i so would have been totally helpful if it had just said "Miss Amber here is the deal-i-oso, I would rather be on the other wall" I mean ladies and gents I would have been all over that idea like a group of Jenny Craig dieters in a Lil Debbie aisle!

You can buy this now available cross for your home $50.00!!!

After the initial shock of this situation had time to resonate in my little mind, and my heart was placed back in my chest I got the cross and kindly explained that it would love more than anything to live resting on the floor in the back til it was bought or til Miss Ryan came back.
I must say though the jokes that have been going through my head have been pretty great! Like "Ya God wanted my attention so he gave me a little sign!" or "I thought I was doing good but God thinks I need to carry the cross!" You see I am even positive when I get jumped by crosses! And once again this just totally re-iterates the fact that working retail is dangerous!
Seriously you name one job that you can have the following incidents: ladder failures, cowhide attacks, angry dress form attacks, and last and certainly not the least Cross attacks! Now I know some of you are having that thought of "Was this foul play?" Could Miss Amber be getting attacked by someone in the store? Now, now you crazy kids Twitch loves me. No really we totally get along!

He does like the spotlight....

And even through all of this I am still the sweet, coffee addicted, heel loving , girl that you all know! I mean come on people I am so worried that this was a sign that I actually did a mental tally on whether or not I have been sending up my thanks, and praise for all that the Lord has blessed me with. This brought me to the bucket list of thanks. I recommend that you all take a moment each day to send up one blessing that he has given to you. And leave a comment on your blessing from today for us all to see!
I will start: I was blessed with my wonderful family.
disclaimer: no crosses, or miss amber's were injured in this incident.

Rack's and Pacer's

Anyone who works with the public is bound to have those day's where you really start to wonder why there is not a camera taping this for YouTube! Cereal Shoes!

Now Twitch was not here in the store today to help me and believe me I sooooo needed that little happy distraction to aid in the taming of the craziest Pacer EVER!!! What is a Pacer Miss Amber? Gather around and let Miss Amber explain.

 All woman will tell you there are two types of husbands when shopping : The Rack's and the Pacer's. The Rack's are like handy little helpers that hold your coat, purse, and any item that you may need to re-try on just to make sure it looks good. The Racks are sweet , quiet , and very very supportive. (No lie ladies one special Rack is one of the biggest cheerleader's for his wife I have ever seen!).

Then there are the Pacer's oh the Pacer's these poor tortured souls that display such pain and agony while their wife is  shopping that one almost feels the need to keep the phone handy in case this poor Pacer goes postal! Unlike the Racks, the Pacer's are not sweet, supportive, or even willing to aid in the holding of anything!

 Girl's you know, you have seen them by the dressing rooms, pacing back and forth like a lion in a zoo, making such observations as the dislike of EVERY item that they see on their significant other. They gasp at the idea of trying things on, and will nearly pass out when the gal wants to try on boots too.

But ladies the entertainment factor of watching a Pacer in action is that of watching the finally of your favorite t.v. show with out commercials! I swear to you every time I get a Pacer in the store I try my dangest not to stare! Oh, but it is far to interesting to take your eye's off of the situation!

Today was a SUPREME Pacer day!!! Oh ladies the Pacer of all time came in today and I have given him the title of Supreme Pacer Ala King!!!! Girls I couldn't take my eyes off of this guy. From the gasping over the idea of her trying on clothes, to the full on tantrum that is only comparable to a 2 year old with out a nap and on an iv of Mountain Dew! This was the moment in which I swear to you if I didn't think that he would pounce me like a Mountain Lion at the suggestion of me taping him for YouTube I soooo would of asked!

No lie he almost fell to the floor when she went to get a different size of shirt! It got to be almost a sport for me to see what next would set off the Supreme Pacer Ala King! Now of course I was humane to him I even offered him a chair to which I might add he replied " If I sit we will be here FOREVER!" the best part of his reaction was the whine in his tone and the way he placed his hand on his forehead like he was acting out a scene from Gone With the Wind! 

The wife was a gem of a girl and you could see that by the fourth shirt and second pair of jeans she too was my comrade in the game of Don't Break the Ice but in the Pacer form! He would whine, she would grab a dress, he would gasp and I would hand her a pair of jeans, he would stalk back and forth on Ferdinand and she would ask for a pair of size 8 boots!

By the end I believe she was the victor due to the fact that when she finally settled on a wrap he almost went through the door he was so excited! She smiled thanked me for the help, I smiled and thanked her for the purchase ( and thanked her in my head for the entertainment!)

This has got to become a reality show somewhere! I mean you can almost see the previews for it on TLC now! The material for this show would never be boring, or the same and you can guarantee that it would be a hit!  I kid you not once you have seen a Pacer in action you are going to always appreciate the Racks, but crave the entertainment of the Pacer's that walk in the store!

(disclaimer : No Pacer's were harmed during this shopping experience)